Love

Love is dead 
Romance is dead
Trust is dead 
Faith is dead
death is dead
Truth of the game trust no one 
I'm a pirate that sails the concrete seas in search of something she knows she'll never find.
 All content Copyright ©2012 Avabunny

Drowning and sinkin' fast

Depressed . Sad . In despair- Can't seem to shake it off -

Slowly, my mind becomes warm -

Slowly, I start to see my life slip away-

Self- absorption 

         Self -abortion 

             Self-abuse(ment)

                     Self-amuse(ment)

                     (in the basement)

Pathetic sympathetic therapeutic all so predictable 

unstable fable of a story once told ...a thousands times 

over...dreamin' of clovers are we? 

dreaming of a dream once dreamt!?!? to the extent that you Begin to wonder that 1) never came down from that acid trip or 2( you're stuck in the in between bardo of becoming possible ? damn right so...the only thing that makes me think otherwise is that A)my friends and family still know me B)can still see my reflection in puddles, and windows -though while I've been dreamin' "dreamin'"in sleep in bed it's all the same damn thing - 

I'm drowning and sinkin' fast- 

 ''The lunatic is on the grass '' and  pissin' on it -

All content Copyright ©2012 by Avabunny

The beginning and end all in one

I AM

I AM to the person the longer i'v know them

-Simple . why use long and fancy words , if

the moment has no use for em'- It's simple

The closer  I AM with someone = the easier it is to get ''into ''them-

The way we feel we know it, is full of attachment and fear

Fear is based on loss = losing 

whom or what you've grown accustomed to

I AM

I feel at this moment as tho' I AM  a character within Dostoevsky's mind

Jack Kerouac hieroglyph ..

Children's book story line...

I AM

It begins with a dot.

from this all words and from . comes 

.Symbols ,symbolic - metaphors of matador (Picasso),nor do I or would I

wish to be , though I do do find myself at times filled with jealousy-

I say to myself as different faces and traces of history and 

Ancestry and wonder what it would be like to be any(which) one 

of those beings - blessed to be human beings..

''walk a mile in my shoes then you'll know!''

I try not to judge and  I don't forget what I've been through 

Maybe at times I do takes my comfort zone and tosses it to the void!

Now what!?!?!

Have to deal with life on life's terms-

At time's easy ,at other time's you wish you never got out of bed!

An that dot- you know what is that dot is !?!?

It's a moment in gap 'tween thoughts. 'tis where I and you 

begin from- where all began and came from ...

The Cosmic Dot. The Eternal dot of awareness , of mindfulness.

When ever I fall off the path or if I stumble if I'm not too caught up

I return to the dot. 

The beginning and the end all in one.

All  content Copyright ©2012 by Avabunny

I am

 The Empire State Building standing out above the rest of New York 

                                          

                              

                           reminds me of a huge syringe.

          plunging itself into a cloud filled sky. 

         Windy too . Feels cooler then it really is.

    My nose runs . people .cars.whole lotta' energy!

Still pumped up full of it from dancing to LSD Sound

       System music flowing through my head phones . 

                 Waiting.Wanting. Waxing.Waning .

         American flags wave ''hello'' It's time to go.

            Still dark out. Tho'' I'm full of fear , I go

          Thus. Thou. Thee .Tweedle -dee listen to me!

                  I sing this song  for you! In the rain.

           

                 I dance within puddles of reflecting rain .                       

          

                                                 C

                                                I

                                                    T

                                                  Y

             

                                              R

                                                    A

                                                I

                                                      N

                                   City pain ...  Hundred year old carved faces 

      staring at me from the building across the street. Below a restaurant.

           

 LAS POBLANITAS  MEXICAN RESTAURANT.

          A van parked out front .Hamilton Air. the color of the van ..white 

       stands out like a neon sign . more so then the neon sign right above it.

              which moves it's flashing neon lighted advertisements.

             To some this may seem like a dark and gloomy morning . 

                    

        Matter of perception 

The rain and dark and gloom always gives me inspiration to write.draw .whatever.

           I guess things are whatever you want them to be.

           I am a madwoman 

           I am whatever you want me to be

           I am a tourist .Maybe a florist.out of the forest ,looking for the latest trend

           Searin' for that endangered species end..

           I am a raindrop 

           I am a truck stop

           I am that padlock , just waiting to be pried open..

           I'v become that rainstorm ..The one you were warned for return

           I am the master , Lock and key ..The one who has returned with a 

           message for thee 

           THE MESSAGE BEING ..THERE IS NO MESSAGE TO BE GIVEN!

            I am god - I am a fraud 

            I AM YOU !

            I am whatever you want me to be

            I am a lie 

            A whisper and a cry

            I am the morning star in the sky 

            I am a mountain, a boulder and a shoulder to cry on

            I am a pilgrim 

            A grim reaper without the reap , only the sow

            I am the walker 

            I am a stalker ;)  with that quick draw shot that ended up shooting 

             herself in the foot ..so now I walk with a limp ..A Time Square Pimp

            I am the woman who doesn't mind screaming out loud

            I am she - so are we - if we only we believe to be

            I am -

                All work © Avabunny 2011

Mad

My mind is like a composition notebook.

July 17/2011 

Dear mind I've gone mad

Everything's gone mad

Just right bloody mad

Who knows 

July 18/2011

Dear mind loosing you could be a good thing

Kinda like an old mattress without bed springs 

Kerouac once said he was more interested in the ''mad one's''

Mad

Mad talk 

Mad walk 

Mad write

Mad sing

Mad love 

Mad to be loved

Mad to save 

Mad to be saved

Mad to no longer be enslaved

Mad to be free

Naked, open, raw heart

Burn all sins 

Burn all Karma

What is left 

True self

True Dharma 

Mad crazy insanely numb

Nah far from it

The pain at times is mad itself

''All life is suffering'' -Buddha said That!

''Pretty girls dig graves'' -Jack said That!

''I'm mad about being mad''-I said That!

MAD

MDA

DAM

(Even the church bells are mad) 

All work © Avabunny 2011

Madness

Ahh..Mark Twain is helping me along with my writing.

His style is no doubt - loose -spontaneous and free . 

Thus how true write must be??

Reading, No - writing - eating- drinking coffee endlessly- 

checking my watch repeatedly so as not be late for something

  Tho' I don't know what-

It's cold gray dreary outside today-

 This city's a wild place -

No wonder I'm so tired and bored - all the freaks  (the fun freaks ) come out at night-

  don't get me wrong we've got hustlers and freaks and junkies all day long-

 I just had a talk with man I've met before, a while ago-  he's a businessman, a REAL  businessman-   he's either on the net , on the phones ,or on the move- 

when all is said and done, he's waiting for ''the call''.. chilling  with his newspaper and Budweiser in his hand -  he seems alright-  but you see he still wants to be a part of the fun and freaks at night in the city -  I don't ..I want to be left alone - 

  Will I ever publish some writing?

Sell enough drawings or painting to never have to work a bullshit job again?

  What is it to be a real arteest !?!? 

To be in the presents of one ..hmmm..will I ever know..

  That businessman I spoke to, he knows-

He just spent three days with an ''atreest'' who does it all - exhibits everywhere-

  now in Italy - but you know , it was just then that something occurred to me-

I wish to write, just to write -

  Who cares if anybody reads it! write and let it out! If anyone reads it , let em'

if not , no matter to me..Write about the people I meet- about my 

  mood snaps and punchin' walls bleeding knuckles, Say what I wish to say  

 SAY IT!

 Fuck everything  

 Fuck the pointing finger of sin- ooh.. you bad girl 

 I just write about it- that's all

The best thing is to just let it all out -

and go with the flow...been wobbling and out of and off balance , off the beam

 Fuck it !!!

 Go buy some incense

 Fuck everyone's nonsense

 Fuck Jack ! no , not THEE JACK KEROUAC , but the guy who goes by that name,

 who at this moment in time works in the park

 Fuck my  weak bladder , you know how many times I almost piss myself !

 Fuck true art, no such thing exist ! 

 Fuck the sandwich I had for lunch, it sucked so bad i began to cry  

 Fuck my therapist 

 Fuck the pharmacist , that bitch ! 

 the one who lied to me

  take away the pharma' and yer left is 'cist'

This cyst , this laceration wound and it's growing poisoning minds 

 with ghetto ass pants wearing saggin' kids, yelling nigger this ,nigger that

leaving gaping footprints in the earth and snow ..chased the Indians away 

 and the ghost and spirits are disturbed and waking to this Times Square Madness-

 Copyright ©2012 by Avabunny

THE RAVEN

Something amazing happened today and I just can't believe it! 


OK, I was writing in my journal and as I looked up I happened to notice this bird. Jet black, tho' way too small to be a crow. And tho it did resemble a crow it didn't caw. It made some other call that I never heard before. Then again, it could very well had been an adolescent crow? Maybe it just wasn't able to caw yet. Hmmm....I wonder if it was a raven!!!


Darkness 
              Falls 
                     upon 
                            me
                      Night and fog surround me A walk through the cemetery 
                         Tall stone crosses remind thee 
                            That death is no mystery
                                 As real as any reality(may) be..Copyright ©2012Avabunny
                                                                      



Speaking of ravens,there's a movie coming out about Edgar Allan Poe.well,actually about the stories he wrote. 
It's about a serial killer that bases his killings on Poe's writings. I'm gonna go check it out at the end of the month.   



I have also decide that I'm going to give my Blythe doll a makeover using Poe's poem the raven as inspiration. 
I'm going to reroot her hair with natural suri alpaca hair. I found the perfect color too!, it's called nighttime.
You wouldn't believe it but I had the hardest time finding a black color made out of alpaca hair. 


I will also be changing her eye color. I'm kinda torn between two colors. 
One is a custom blue set by pattyparis 
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69395883/custom-blythe-eye-chips-set-a001



Stunning aye? 


Now the other set is a purple gray color called fairy dust:)
http://www.etsy.com/listing/92841138/handpainted-realistic-eyechips-for



I may go with the blue, perhaps because I always wished my eye's were blue:) 


I'v also been shopping around for a dark raven type of dress. I came across this one on Etsy 
http://www.etsy.com/listing/31717480/blytheshops-little-black-dress

It's a little plain but I still think it's cute:) 


I also came across this watercolor painting by littlelulus 
Makes me really, really want to start painting with watercolors again. =) 
http://www.etsy.com/listing/19478372/twelve-ravens-5x7-print